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Posts Tagged ‘religion’

Pearly Gates joke – “Can you get married in Heaven?”

May 12th, 2010 04:52pm by flipvine

On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,’ and he leaves.

The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. ‘What if it doesn’t work?’ they wondered. ‘Are we stuck together forever?’

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. ‘Yes,’ he informs the couple, ‘you can get married in Heaven.’

‘Great!’ says the couple, ‘But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?’

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

‘What’s wrong?’ ask the frightened couple.

‘OH, COME ON!’ St. Peter shouts, ‘It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?

Popularity: 2%


Bible Warnings and Bible Spoilers

July 16th, 2009 12:08pm by flipvine

Yesterday we touched on the very important subject of updating some of our most popular literature to be current with the time. Lets just say if I was being cross-examined by senators for the job of being a supreme court justice, I would most certainly mention the LOLCat Bible Translation project at least three times.. per day of questioning.. before and after lunch.  Anyways, lets get back to the subject at hand – The Holy *@#$^@! (shit, sorry, sorry, my tea kettle just scared the crap out of me with its whistle) Bible.  Ahem, where was I .. oh yes.. so the Bible I think requires some decent warnings, maybe a NSFW label, or an NC-17 film rating (Mel, how’d you get away with an R rating for your snuff flick, shieeet), or at least an M or A ESRB rating if it was made into a game.  So without further ado..


Heh, I wish warning labels were as common on bibles as they are on cigarette packs


Popularity: 3%


The importance of donuts

June 29th, 2009 06:15pm by flipvine

I’ve always vehemently defended my opinion that donuts are holey.  But I’ve never taken to quite this extreme.  This goes as far as proving, unequivocally, that they’re not just holey – but also holy! ;)


Yes, sometimes they ARE that important.  Lets also bring back something donut-related from a couple weeks ago:


Also, our researchers have discovered that there IS indeed such a thing as “Kripsy Kreme Fundraising”!

Popularity: 1%

Now midwesterners can consolidate their worshipping too!

June 29th, 2009 03:34pm by popzikle


Where do I sign up?

Popularity: 2%


Where is Jesus Today?

June 25th, 2009 01:19pm by flipvine

knock knock jesusNo, this joke has nothing to do with Microsoft (where you do you want to go today) or Waldo (where is waldo) or “Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego”.

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.”

Mary answers, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!”

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

“Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!’”

Popularity: 1%