I thought long and hard for a one-word way to say “happy and sad”. The motivation for such deep thoughts? This joke:
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology then he turned to his wife and said, ‘Honey, I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.’
She said, ‘You have the biggest dick of all your friends’.
Can’t take credit for this one, read it in Maxim and liked it so much I had to share it:
A man comes out of a bar and hears a woman call from a dark area in the parking lot: “Twenty dollars.” Feeling frisky, he goes for it.
A little while into getting his groove on, a policeman pulls in and shines his patrol car headlights right on the two humping away. The cop yells, “Hey! What are you doing?”
The man yells back, “Having sex with my wife!”
The policeman says, “Sorry, I didn’t know!”
The man replies, “Neither did I till you turned on your headlights.”
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his train set in the living room…
She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
The mother ran in the room and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
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