flipvine

• RT @funnyoneliners: The reason dogs have so many friends is they wag their tails instead of their tongues. #
• What do thirty squirrels in a man suit have to do with it? (Love that is) http://su.pr/A0uL3w #

Popularity: 1%

• All you have to do to succeed in software is to consistently suck less with every release. #
• Ray: People are complex like onions – peel a layer, see something else. Damon: No, they're not – peel an onion, all you get is more onion. #
• Getting caught smuggling heroin into jail in an electric toothbrush has gotta suck lmao: http://su.pr/7gK1iO #
• There is no evil, just self-interest and circumstance. #
• @funnyoneliners Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. #
• "In other words: Gentlemen–and, since this is Silicon Valley, I do mean pretty much all gentlemen–start your engines." http://su.pr/19g3 #
• RT @Libra100681 Don't walk through the screen door, you might strain yourself. #
• BOOM! Headshot. http://su.pr/1BTJnQ #
• RT @xrayedman: working the graveyard shift at hospital tonight but we are not supposed to call it that. I am working the death panel shift #
• RT @jlabaw: How am I gonna eat, if you keep taking the words out of my mouth? <- I guess if you want to eat your words that's a good one #
• RT @xrayedman: Whenever I hear some professor type introduced as an expert in child rearing I can't help but think of them as a perv. < rofl #
• RT @dpbkmb: What does a dyslexic rabbi say? "Yo!" (via @FizzyDuck) <- almost as good as the backwards Santa "Oh Oh Oh" joke #
• RT @mgimena: Honk if you want to see my finger #
• RT @FizzyDuck: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because it has a silent P! #

Popularity: 1%

• RT @funnyoneliners Hit the sack has a whole different meaning in the world of martial arts. (via @xrayedman) #
• RT @xrayedman Med Fact O/T day: Its impossible to sneeze with your eyes open-and it’s impossible not to at least micro-fart when you sneeze. #
• What goes Oh, Oh, Oh? .. Santa Claus walking backwards #lol #
• RT @mgimena Atheism is a non-prophet organization in reply to mgimena #
• RT @mgimena Auntie Em, Hate you. Hate Kansas. Taking the dog, Dorothy <- lmao in reply to mgimena #
• RT @lydahl man blames child porn collection on cat: http://su.pr/1kVHrw #LOL – here’s the suspect: http://su.pr/5qK3qc #
• just installed @Adium 1.4 beta http://adium.im/beta – Twitter support is interesting, but can’t figure out how to search or look at mentions #
• @LiLBellachka “Wat a hot day, thank god my ass is sitting in an airconditioned office SUKERS” – where’s the rest of you sitting? in reply to LiLBellachka #
• RT @JayCataldo Slip N Slide on CRACK! >> http://tinyurl.com/ks26f6 <you have to watch this vid #

Popularity: 3%

• RT @bradgal Men’s Shoe Size/Penis Size Conversion Chart http://bit.ly/U8Qpv <– i thought thumb size, not shoe size was the real indicator #
• RT @funnyoneliners: A Boat loaded with Viagra sank in the River. It took them two weeks to get the Draw Bridges down. (via @sargedunn1) #
• RT @funnyoneliners @laughslast Q: If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute?
  A: The one that’s labeled “IDAHO” #

Popularity: 1%