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Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

Pearly Gates joke – “Can you get married in Heaven?”

May 12th, 2010 04:52pm by flipvine

On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,’ and he leaves.

The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. ‘What if it doesn’t work?’ they wondered. ‘Are we stuck together forever?’

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. ‘Yes,’ he informs the couple, ‘you can get married in Heaven.’

‘Great!’ says the couple, ‘But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?’

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

‘What’s wrong?’ ask the frightened couple.

‘OH, COME ON!’ St. Peter shouts, ‘It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?

Popularity: 2%

Valentine’s Day Jokes

February 14th, 2010 05:57pm by flipvine

happy-valentines-day-sexyFor those of you seeking to brighten up an either already bright or perhaps a gloomy Valentine’s Day (and if the picture on the right didn’t help), here are some V-Day funnies.

First, a little question and answer session:

Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because it couldn’t get a date.

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
“I find you very attractive.”

What did the Valentine card say to the stamp?
“Stick with me and we’ll go places!”

What is a vampire’s sweetheart called?
His ghoul-friend.

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?
Cauliflowers.

Did you hear about the near-sighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn’t suit his taste.

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
“I love you a ton!”

And now some squirrel jokes (for some reason these little pack-rats are animals of choice on this holiday):

funny-pictures-squirrel-big-nutsWhat do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
Forget-me-nuts.

What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
“I’m nuts about you!”

What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
“You’re nuts so bad yourself!”

(more…)

Popularity: 5%

Chinese New Year ?

December 5th, 2009 07:41pm by sinkpock

chinese

Popularity: 1%

No comment not even going there…

November 24th, 2009 03:59pm by stikkemmup

“gravity is a bitch”

Popularity: 3%

who-said-dogs-do-it-any-different-than-we-do

Who said dogs do it any different than we do?

November 24th, 2009 03:51pm by stikkemmup

Terriers do it too…

Popularity: 3%