Here’s a funny “Learn English” commercial I got sent today:
And here’s one from several years ago:
You tell me, which one is more convincing? And I’m not talking funny here, I’m asking a serious question here – which one makes you want to Learn English more? I don’t think the state of making funny commercials about learning English which only English speaking folks actually understand has advanced as much as it should’ve.
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Let me introduce this one with the following words of wisdom. If you title a story “MY grossest Amsterdam story”, and then add the following disclaimer to the first paragraph (like Mr. Worm Miller did) – then your name is probably Steve and indeed you are probably the character the story is about.
I’m gonna warn you up front, this story is a bit gross. The star of this story isn’t me; it’s a friend of mine. I’ll call him Steve. So a group of us were in Amsterdam, doing all the standard things people do there – hitting the “coffee shops,” the Van Gogh museum, and ultimately a sex show.
I mean common, lets face it, if you’re going to ask something bizzare from your doctor or friend or parent or whatever – you’re going to say a friend named Steve did it. If you’re going to buy something absurdly weird at a store, you’re gonna say .. thats right .. you’re buying it for your friend who’s name happens to be Steve.
So without further ado, here’s “My Grossest Amsterdam Story” .. or as it should properly be titled “Steve’s Grossest Amsterdamn Story”. It reminds me of the kind of stories Chuck Palahniuk writes (author of Fight Club), and his grossest story – “Guts”. Except I betcha if Chuck wrote “Guts” about himself, he’d have the balls to admit that its about him.
If you’re read this far into this blog post, I admire your perseverance. As a side note, that flag at the top is the official flag of the city of Amsterdam. Yes, it does have XXX on it. And no, its not because everything in the city is pornographic. Here’s the full story about the flag and its significance:
The official city motto is Valor, Resolution, and Mercy. The three X’s, saltires (St. Andrew’s crosses), are taken to represent these even though the X’s are older than the motto. A popular tradition also links the X’s to the three threats to the city: Water, Fire and Pestilence.
Thought I’d throw that in so you actually learn something. 
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If you attempt this yourself, I highly recommend having your morning coffee first, you don’t want to know what kittens taste like if they’re the first thing you drink in the morning.
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Here’s a fun game for you to play – GemCraft : Chapter 1 – The Forgotten. And once you’re done with that, play GemCraft : Chapter 0. The game’s creators – Armor Games – decided to release a “prequel” to the game instead of the promised GemCraft Chapter 2 “sequel”, confusing everyone in the process. I originally bumped into the game while checking out the MTV Arcade. This little flash game-o will keep you clickin’ for hours on end.
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A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained; his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”
The priest replies, “My son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.” The drunk muttered in response “Well, I’ll be damned!” Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”
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