As a followup to our McDonalds and Burgers – unnerving expose into the underbelly of America post we’ve decided to further investigate the culture, traditions and rituals of burger-lovers. Today we touch upon an especially troubling ritual that has come to bear the name “McGangBang“. It was first brought to our attention by the burger historians at Eat Me Daily, who have chronicled the evolution of the McGangBang from its prehistoric roots (May 26, 2006) to present times – feel free to read through it and do your own research, as the topic is not only fascinating. But beware, just reading about it could clog your arteries and possibly cause nausea, indigestion, diarrhea, heart-burn, vomitting, headaches, lack of sex-drive, weight-gain – and may even cause tooth decay!!
If you’re still not afraid, read on for the glorious, gory details:
Lets start at the beginning. The concoction displayed on the right here is what may be the earliest predecessor – the missing link so to speak – of the McGangBang. Notice the liberal use of “burger sex toys” – fries in this case.
The McGangBang ranks up there in the holy pantheon of WTF. It’s a sandwich made from a double cheeseburger and a McChicken sandwich — where you put an entire McChicken sandwich inside a double cheeseburger. It’s a creative manipulation of existing menu items, and an exercise in frugality: taking two items off of the Dollar Menu and creating an entirely new sandwich for a total of $2.16. Truly, it’s a sandwich that’s more than the sum of its parts.
The naming, of course, is somewhat obscene — “gangbang” is defined as “sexual intercourse with multiple partners in turn or at the same time.” It’s illicit in more ways than one — chicken and beef most definitely make for an unnatural pairing.
There are also a few variations on this burger sex act. For instance, the McWhitey: a Filet-O-Fish patty in between two McChicken patties with the Filet-O-Fish white sauce. Also, for the adventurous (not for the faint of heart), there is the Unprotected McGangBang where a Spicy McChicken is used instead of a regular McChicken. Our researchers have also discovered an Atkins Diet version of the McGangBang, pictured on the left. Notice the contrast with the conventional “missionary McGangBang” on the right.
And if you are un-fortunate enough to have kids, and are wondering how to explain to answer tricky questions about sexuality to them, here’s a sample conversation that is recommended by the experts on adolescent education at UrbanDictionary:
Child: “Mommy, what’s a McGangBang?”
Mother: “Well, Honey, its when two all beef patties love the same chicken sandwhich very much.”
After that explanation, feel free to go into a little bit of detail about how to separate the buns, and where, how and when to apply the special sauce.
The McGangBang is sure to continue its evolution. As our minds sink deeper in the gutter (because they’re driven down by the weight of our bellies, stuffed full of McGangBangs), we are quite sure that we’ll see bigger, better, raunchier (ranchier – have they considered adding Ranch dressing to the mix?) things. How about a McAnalMuffins, DPQuarterPounderWithCheese, McFistBurger, McGonzoWrap, McDeepThroatFries, McClitRib, McMidgetNuggets, Big-n-tasty-chubby-chaser, McTittyGriddle. Even fantastic drinks like a McMILFShake, McCreamPie, Chocolate Tripple Thick Shake (wait, that one’s actually already on the menu). In this world of Sausages, Patties, Buns, Ribs, Pounders, etc – even a MightyKidsIncestMeal is not out of the question.
We leave you with several images of McGangBangs and other McDonalds-related visuals:
This fellow seems to be enjoying what I would describe as a McOrgy. President Obama's press office could not be reached for comment on whether the President has had a McGangBang and/or whether he endorses such frivolous relations between burgers. I'm sure Bill Clinton is a fan though.
This is the in-n-out version of the McGangBang. We like to call this the McPornStarGangBang.
If your McDonalds refuses to serve you a McGangBang, ask for a McBlowJob instead, we hear they're quite lovely this time of year.
McGangBangs have also been featured in contemporary art.
Here's to hoping everybody understands that this loving assault on the corporate image of our favorite fast-food restaurant is satire and that we don't get a big Ronald McDonald smackdown subpoena.
All jokes aside, consider this an official endorsement on my part. I occasionally indulge in fast-food. Even though a Burger King is closer to my building than the McDonalds in Times Square, I know next time I’m hungry for some bowel-cleansing greasy delight, I’ll walk the extra block and (turn on my BlackBerry voice note recorder and holding it inconspicuously in my hand) ask for a McGangBang. I encourage everybody to do the same. I think we’re all grown-ups (actually, disregard that – make sure not to do this in a McDonalds with a Ronald McDonald playhouse – the kids might get corrupted beyond repair) and can appreciate the time savings in using this acronym. Forget the five-dollar-foot-longs, ask for a $2.16 McGangBang next time!
Let me know how it goes 
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Tags: burgers, hamburgers, mcdonalds, mcgangbang
‘McGangBangs have also been featured in contemporary art’
…got to that part and DIED
ps:
i told my friend about the mcwhitey and the conversation went as follows:
me: MCWHITEY
him: does it come with crackers on it
me: a Filet-O-Fish patty in between two McChicken patties with the Filet-O-Fish white sauce.
him: “filet o fish – bust in your mouth sauce” (ps: it’s white)
me: hence whitey?
him: ohh i thought it was a racial…slur?
me: it can be many things
thought you’d appreciate it.
it took you THAT long to “DIE”.. jeez, I was sure you’d appreciate the creative liberties I took with extrapolating possible future names for other McDonalds concoctions.
[...] part of my research for the McGangBang post, I came across some coverage of the topic on Chocolate Party Hats’ blog that says its more [...]