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Posts Tagged ‘joke’

Bittersweet

September 14th, 2010 04:50pm by flipvine

I thought long and hard for a one-word way to say “happy and sad”.  The motivation for such deep thoughts?  This joke:

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology then he turned to his wife and said, ‘Honey, I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.’

She said, ‘You have the biggest dick of all your friends’.

Also, found this great venn diagram on boingboing regarding the concept of “bittersweet”, and apparently its also available as a t-shirt:

bittersweet

Popularity: 44%

Kids say the darnest things – mom listening to her young son playing with his train set…

August 4th, 2010 10:08pm by flipvine

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his train set in the living room…

She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”

The mother ran in the room and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”

As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
(more…)

Popularity: 11%

The boy with the amaaaazing memory! joke

June 12th, 2010 02:02am by flipvine

calvin-peeingThere is a talent show, and the announcer walks out on stage. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he proclaims, “and now.. the boy with the amaaaazing memory!”

The audience applauds, and a little boy walks out on stage, drinking some water from a bucket. ”

Ladies and gentlemen,” the announcer continues, “and now… the boy with the amaaaazing memory… is going to pee on the first four rows of the audience!”

The audience screams, and the people start running away.

The announcer yells after them, “Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no use to run! He’s got an amaaaazing memory!

Popularity: 2%

What’s a golf gun?!?

June 29th, 2009 08:26pm by flipvine

golf-gunBelieve it or not, there actually is such a thing as a golf gun. Apparently there’s a company that just got a patent on them.  But that’s not important right now, here’s a good joke for ya ;)

Two mexican detectives are investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. As they’re examining the scene of the crime, the first detective asks. “How was he killed?”

The second answers “With a golf gun.”

“A golf gun? What is a golf gun?!” exclaimed the first detective.

The second says “I do not know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!”

Popularity: 1%