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Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

Star Trek Orgy in BK – w4MMM WTF!

June 18th, 2009 01:44am by popzikle

Craigslist post at: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/cas/1225191327.html

Like Star Trek? Wanna fuck my hot roommate? – w4mm – 29 (brooklyn)

Reply to: pers-6gcwg-1225191327@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-06-16, 8:21PM EDT

All right, boys, here’s the deal…

My beautiful, buxom, nubian goddess of a roommate is having her 29th birthday tomorrow and, as her humble party planner, I want to help her fulfill one of her biggest fantasies–which is, basically, to be gang-banged by a Star Trek convention. If this sounds like it could be your cup of whatever-it-is-they-drink-on-the-Millennium-Falcon, read on.

As you can tell from my hilarious mis-reference above, I know nothing at all about Star Trek but I’ll do my best to convey exactly what it is she wants: basically? Nerds. She has a huge thing for Spock and all things that resemble him. So, more or less, if you’re lanky, white, cute, nerdy and into Star Trek, she wants you to fuck her. She’s into absolutely everything apparently, but I’ll leave those details to her.

I know this sounds like a joke or a set up, but I absolutely promise it’s not. I can prove it by talking to you on the phone or whatever, but I’m completely serious and I would really, really like to do this for her. She’s clean, perfectly normal and drama-free. Pic for pic, email me with interest or questions and I promise to respond quickly, etc.

BOLDLY GO, FRIENDS!

Also, if you have some kind of Trekkie get-up, that’s probably a plus.

Location: brooklyn

startrek_shocker

Popularity: 2%

Excellent Advertisement Placement

June 17th, 2009 09:54pm by popzikle

unfortunateadplacement

I don’t know.. Some people might think this is a unfortunate ad placement, however it just says to the pro lifers that embryos are already thinking about getting their breakfast on once they are born? right?

Popularity: 1%

The mailman’s last day

June 12th, 2009 01:34pm by flipvine

the mailman's last dayI can’t remember where I got this joke, but it sounds like a Playboy Party Joke honestly, just don’t ask me to quote the exact issue.

It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 10 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She enticed him to come in, took him by the hand and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the best sex he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?” “Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.” He said, “Fuck him, give him a dollar.” The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”

By the way, the picture on the right is a direct screenshot from the USPS website ;)  Although to be honest, the chick looks like she’s a fan of UPS (brown t-shirt, yeah, yeah, tired joke, i know).

Popularity: 4%

Blondes, Sheep and Futility

June 11th, 2009 05:08pm by flipvine

motivational-poster-futility-wisdom-smallThere once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

“If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?” she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

“You have 171 sheep,” said the blonde in triumph.

Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, “if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?”

The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. “You’re a blonde! Now give me back my dog.”

Popularity: 2%

Excellent Political Joke

June 11th, 2009 03:23pm by flipvine

Can’t take credit for this one, if you’re the kind of Playboy reader I am, the first place you look is the centerfold and then immediate after that you read through the Party Jokes page.  Well, I’d say every couple issues there’s a gem of a joke – a diamond in the rough – that’s worth serious commemoration.  This is one of those jokes:

us-white-house-fenceThree contractors were bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. The first contractor said, “I figure the job will run about $900 – $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The second contractor announced, “I can do this job for $700 – $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The third contractor leaned over to the White House official and whispered, “$2700.”

The incredulous White House official asked him, “How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The contractor smiled and said, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the second guy to fix the fence.”

And if you really must know, it was in the April 2009 issue of Playboy. :-D

Popularity: 4%